alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
