There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
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