People in love make me want to vomit
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
