Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
