the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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