Heybabeimwearingurpanties
someone get that fucking seahorse.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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