dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
