she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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