I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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