I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
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She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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