youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
