I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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