mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
