Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
