I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
