If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize