we're chasing vodka with high fives
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
