Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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