do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
