it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
