I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
