My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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