this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
