Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
