1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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