I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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