Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Even my vagina gasped.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
