I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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