just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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