the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
