Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize