My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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