So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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