well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
