the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
