white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
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For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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