my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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