three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
