just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
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I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
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Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize