I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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