He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
