very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
