No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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