I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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