Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
