my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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