The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Randomize
