We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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