It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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