I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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