if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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