dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
i know! what is this dateline?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered