The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea