I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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