I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
