The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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