Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
My penis needs a shock collar
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
