if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I faked an abortion last night.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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