Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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