He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
