I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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